She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
