i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
