Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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