Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
