god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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