she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
