considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
