Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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