Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
