all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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