I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
