I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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