He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
