I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize