He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
