I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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