Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The power of my boobs compel you
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
