they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
That's when you crack a 10am beer
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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