My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
