How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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