I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
