i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
