i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
