Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize