That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
