If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
