I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
