woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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