My underwear smells like fireworks.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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