so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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