Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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