I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
