My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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