I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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