The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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