Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize