you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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