How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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