Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
