I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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