she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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