so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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