He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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