if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
