i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
