wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
