I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Can you bring me the toilet please
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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