Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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