Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
