Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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