If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
