I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
