My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
