Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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