Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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