it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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