If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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