so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
