3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
