i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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