You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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