So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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