Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
