Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
