I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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