come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
