the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
