i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
