They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
