talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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