I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize