so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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