Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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