I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
