every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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