I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
