we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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