I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
