You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
