if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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