Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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