The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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