i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
