Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
