so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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