The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize