tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
