Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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