the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize