Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
