I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
