you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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